POLISH FILM ACADEMY

Adaś Miauczynski, aged 49, is half asleep, half awake. He is afraid to get up. He is afraid of the coming day. He swears and crosses himself. He does exercise counting to seven: he is obsessed with numbers. He takes seven sips of mineral water. He washes his face with seven splashes. He wipes his bum – counting to seven, thirteen or twenty-one. He washes himself: three times his bum, four times – his groin; in total – seven times. He puts seven handfuls of cereal in a bowl. Not wanting to eat alone, he eats with his TV turned on: suffering because of discord in the parliament. He takes Prozac – so as not to lose the will to live, Geriavit – so as not to get old, and Nootropil – for the brain. He chases it down with seven sips, licking his lips after the fourth one. While he is peeing – the kettle starts whistling. He runs, turns the kettle off the burner and returns; he finishes peeing with seven squirts, he shakes thirteen times. He pours coffee leaving a meniscus; he carries it – dragging one foot after the other, almost gliding. He sits on the couch to work but not before he completes his ritual:he stands with his feet apart, grabs the seam of his jeans and underwear, and, pulling them down so as not to get a “wedgie”, sits down on the sofa. He stirs his coffee counting to seven: four to the right, three to the left. He reads: "Across sea-meadows measureless I go ...".
Downstairs, Chopin roars again. He goes there and screams at the neighbour who is listening to the Chopen Competition concert on the radio while in the shower. On his way back, another neighbour warns him about the Vietnamese who are scheming to kill treacherously with the overly cheap compression socks they sell.
“You have to cut the rubber bands!” “Across sea-meadows measureless I go…”.
And now – some noise outside the window! He rushes out and yells at the guy who is cutting the lawn.
"Across sea-meadows measureless I go …".
But then he hides his face in his hands – I can’t do it anymore. I'm extremely exhausted, and it is only morning ...